Saturday, May 21, 2011

Pruning

This year was the year of God's increase.  I say "was" because I really think it began when we bought this house a year ago.  Two years ago if you told me we have two good cars, a house of our own and another beautiful girl, I would have been like Sarah. I would have laughed.  And God would have waited patiently to watch my wonder and amazement as His plan unfolded. 

We named the baby Josephine Rain (God Will Increase Rain) because we believe in this year of blessings and favor.  And she is a blessing!  So is the rest of the stuff that has followed her conception and her cathartic (for me) birth.

But with every birth comes a dying.  For new growth to come, a pruning must occur.  There was a miscarriage.  A dying of my own will and ambition around childbirth.  And what was born in that moment was a humility that needed to appear before I could be ready for this next season.  And then...

This February my father-in-law died unexpectedly from lung cancer and other complications.  A few weeks after that my maternal grandmother died from complications from a stroke.  Then, a week or so ago my paternal grandmother fell on her face and broke her nose creating bleeding in her brain.  After an operation and a stroke she no longer had movement in one side of her body, or use of her speech.  She went to be with Jesus, this morning. 

I know all three loved Jesus.  The irony of the supposed "rapture" that was going to happen today is not lost on me.  But all joking aside, I know loss must happen.  I know Joy can be full in the midst of sorrow, and I fine myself living more and more in the dichotomy of that place.

I'm sure there will be more on this blog about loss, gifts and life.  For now I'm sitting a little stunned by all this, but expectantly waiting to see what comes next.

photo credit

4 comments:

Tessa @ Blunders with Shoots, Blossoms 'n Roots said...

Wow, Tori. I had no idea. That is a lot to go through in such a short time! So sorry for your loss. God is so faithful to carry us in these times- and your gift of writing comes shining through! Praying for you and your family.

Thru a Tori-lens said...

Thanks, Tessa- it's been rough, but alright. Matt says our "year of increase" ended in January, in which case all the loss came after. At any rate, it's been rough. But our seeds are planted, our shoots are growing, and life is full of God's beauty everywhere we look...

Lucius said...

Tori, your writing is so poignant, so rich and full of life! I'm still reading 1,000 Gifts, but your Blog kind of sounds like what she was saying. The hard stuff is all part of this life, and we just need the eyes to see it clearly...to see Him.
You really should write a book.
I love you,
Aunt Syl

Sylvia said...

Wow, I guess my comments are being recorded under Luke's gmail acct. Sorry for the confusion!
Syl