Monday, July 14, 2014

Pillow Dreams

It happened to me today.  I heard an ad from J.C. Penny for back to school clothes and when the manicured voice mentioned pillows and pillowcases suddenly I saw my Grace-girl at 18; headed off to college under the burden of pillows and books and buoyed by innocence and hopefulness.  As the young woman turned and smiled at me with confident compassion I felt sand shift under my feet and I thought- What the Hell.  She's barely 8.

But this year marks a big change for us.  We're sending the kids to school so this Mama can go back to work and help this family to financial freedom.

We've been homeschooling this incredible creature for... well... for 8 years I guess.  I taught her to walk, talk, strum a guitar, sing.  I taught her read and write and to love learning.  In many respects this is absolutely the best time for her to shift to the public school arena.  I got to have those fun years with her, those blissed out moments of "Ah Ha!," the sweet shift from single to sister...

But I wasn't expecting the grieving.  Seriously.  I must be the biggest weenie in the world.  Why is this so hard for me?  Because I know.  I know that growing up will happen. I know that there will come a day that she won't look at me with her doe eyes and her dreams on her sleeve.  It doesn't make it easier to face.  I'm not saying school is evil.  AT ALL.  I am saying that I will miss her.  But she's ready.  I'm ready.  I'm on the path to ready.  I'll be there very soon.

Now- don't even ask me about Baby Rain. I haven't started grieving for her yet- for the years I got to hoard with her sister that she'll never get to share with me.  That's a process for another day.  But now- It's time to share these babies with the world.  Watch out world- here they come.  I'll keep you updated on our family adventure, because that's really what it is.  We're being called out of our comfort zone in a new and prickly way.  Never in my life have I shirked adventure, so:  BRING IT ON, WORLD!  We're ready.